I went to the movies the other day, and I saw a trailer for the new Jason Statham movie called The Beekeeper. In it, Statham is both a literal beekeeper — as in, a keeper of bees — and a “beekeeper,” which is the code name for an elite group of covert agents and assassins.
Despite the abundance of bee-themed stuff, I couldn’t help but feel that the trailer seemed familiar. Statham is kicking dudes, shooting dudes, blowing up buildings and being reminded of how he’s the best at what he does. In other words, it looked like every other Jason Statham trailer I’d ever seen. In fact, if you watch any Jason Statham trailer, you’re pretty much guaranteed to see these eight things…
1
A Building Exploding
If Jason Statham is in it, you can bet something is going to explode, most likely a building, but sometimes a car, too.
2
Jason Statham Kicking Some Dudes
Jason Statham loves to kick dudes. Whether he’s in a suit or plain clothes, he’s always kicking guys in the chest or the head. The trailer for The Transporter features him kicking two guys at the same time! To emphasize how cool this is, the trailer switches to inverted colors in classic, early aughts fashion.
3
Jason Statham Shooting Some Dudes
When someone’s too far away to kick, Jason Statham just shoots them. It’s not like he’s going to run to them and then kick them — Statham leaves the running to Tom Cruise.
4
Jason Statham Disarming Some Dudes
There is literally no point in drawing your gun on Jason Statham because, no matter how fast you draw your weapon, Statham can grab it even faster and rip it out of your foolish hands.
5
Jason Statham Hanging Off the Side of a Building
Jason Statham ends up on the side of buildings a lot. You’d think it’d be dangerous, but he’s usually fine. At the end of Crank, he even fell off the building, but when Crank: High Voltage rolled around three years later, it was established that he was pretty much fine.
6
Jason Statham Breaking Some Glass
Jason Statham breaks a lot of glass. Usually he kicks or throws someone through it, but in Mechanic: Resurrection he scales a building to break the glass on a pool that hangs off the side of a building — that’s a twofer.
7
The Establishment of a Covert Organization of Elite Agents/Assassins/Etc., Generally with a Really Boring Name
Because cool names like the Impossible Mission Force and MI6 are taken by other action franchises, Jason Statham is usually a part of a clandestine organization that sounds like a boring old day job. He’s been a “Transporter,” a “Mechanic” and now he’s a “Beekeeper.” I’m holding out hope for “The Milkman” or “The Claims Adjuster.”
8
Jason Statham Being Touted as the Best of the Aforementioned Covert Organization
Jason Statham is not only in these top-secret organizations, he’s also the roughest, toughest guy within the secret organization. He was the best Transporter and the best Mechanic and now he’s the best Beekeeper. Even when it’s not a top-secret organization, he’s still the toughest guy, like when he played an NYPD cop in Safe, they called him “The Big Apple’s hardest cop.” Which, of course he is — he’s Jason Statham.